Category: Movies

Elizabethtown is a romantic comedy centered around a death and a funeral. The movie opens on the worst day of Drew’s life. He is a shoe designer and his latest shoe design is a colossal failure that is going to cost his company almost $1 billion. He goes home, rigs up a suicide machine, and is ready to take his own life when his sister calls crying. Their father, who was visiting his hometown in Kentucky, has died of a heart attack. Drew’s suicide plans are put on hold as it is decided that he’ll go to Kentucky to have their father, Mitch, cremated and return with his ashes.

Drew picks up his father’s favorite blue suit from his mother’s home and heads to the airport. He is the only passenger on the plane and a very talkative flight attendant, Claire, sits next to him for most of the ride. She chats about anything and everything and gives him directions from the Louisville Airport to Elizabethtown. She stresses the need not to miss exit 60B. She follows him off the plane and gives him a coupon, which he later finds she’s written her numbers on.

Elizabethtown is a small town in Kentucky where it seems everyone knew his father. Drew goes to his aunt’s house, where he meets father’s family. Some of them he has met when he was a child, but others he has never encountered before. His father’s family has very definite ideas about Mitch’s funeral, as they intend for him to be buried in the plot his family has owned for over 200 years. Cremation is definitely not deemed acceptable for Mitch, a war hero and from what we can tell an all around good guy. While Drew is meeting the family in Kentucky, his mother is trying to outrun her grief by fixing the car, learning to cook, and tap dance.

One lonely night at the Brown Hotel, Drew calls Claire, and they talk all night, then agree to meet to watch the sunrise. They realize there is a definite connection, and Claire skips her trip to Hawaii to be there for Drew. Drew ends up having his father cremated and his mother and sister fly in from Oregon to attend the memorial service, and Mitch’s family buries his blue suit and medals in the family plot. Drew takes the road trip with his father that they had kept putting off and as he is following Claire’s meticulous instructions, he finds her waiting for him at the Second Biggest Flea Market in the country. And then there is happily ever after.

On the surface, this is just a fun rom com that happens to be centered around a funeral, but it is so much more than this from a human perspective. We start off with Drew wanting to die because of his colossal failure at work, but then a phone call from his mother and the need to be there for his family puts life into perspective, and he pulls himself together to be there for his family. This is something that many of us can relate to as death has a tendency to put things into perspective and helps us to realize that as long as we and our loved ones are still breathing there is hope that things will turn out okay.

Deaths and funerals have a tendency to bring together people from different aspects of people’s lives. The work people. The church people. The friends. The family. Elizabethtown did a nice job of illustrating how different people see different aspects of someone’s personality. Mitch’s Kentucky family knew him when he was a child and schoolboy. They shared stories of his growing up and interacting with his family. His Army buddies knew him as a hero. And his wife and children knew him as a beloved husband and father. His wife Hollie told about how they had met and how she knew his kin in Elizabeth town thought she had stolen him away.

Hollie’s grief was on full display at Mitch’s memorials, but unlike other depictions of grief where the widow would have been shown crying and inconsolable, Hollie was funny and honest. She talked about taking dance and cooking lessons as a way to avoid her grief. She talked about wanting to be brave and strong by fixing the car herself. And she spoke about the unmentionable when she mentioned a male friend who hugged her and suggested he could help with her grief while he got a boner. She had the audience in tears and in stitches and while they may have thought she stole their Mitch, in the end they embraced her as a grieving family member.

Funerals and memorial services run the gamut from the solemn and staid to rowdy Irish wakes to fisticuffs. And Mitch’s funeral was no exception. In addition to Hollie’s raucous tribute, Mitch’s nephew Jesse gets his band back together for a ripping rendition of Freebird complete with a paper bird on a wire that is meant to fly the length of the ballroom. Unfortunately, the bird gets lit on fire, and it’s flight through the ballroom brings flames and mayhem. Although most memorial services don’t end with a paper bird going down in flames, a lot do end in mayhem as people’s emotions are raw. After the mayhem of the memorial service, we cut to the cemetery, where we see how the cremation versus burial debate ends. Mitch has been cremated, but his family buries his suit in the family’s plot.

This movie was a wonderful, although at times overblown, depiction of what loss and grief is like in the real world. It is a mix of emotions that can range from tears to laughter over fun memories. There is no one way to grieve and we need to be generous in our grief. And in the end it is about love: love for the one who has left and love for one another.

Carter Chambers, a blue collar mechanic who gave up his dreams of being a history professor, and Edward Cole, a four-times divorced billionaire, are an unlikely pair, except for one commonality: terminal cancer. They meet because Edward Cole, who owns the hospital they are both seeking treatment in, has decreed that there will be two patients to every room: no exceptions. Edward runs his empire from his hospital bed and Carter has loving visits from his family. While the medical staff often fawns over Edward, Carter’s medical needs are sometimes neglected until Edward orders the doctors to take care better care of him.

Carter loves his family, but sitting alone in the hospital room, he begins to have regrets about the things he did not do with his life. While he is a gifted amateur historian, he gave up his dreams to start a family. In the hospital, he begins a list of things to do before kicking the bucket including driving a Shelby Mustang and witnessing something truly majestic. When he learns that he has less than a year to live, he crumples the list and throws it away. Edward finds the list and convinces Carter to go on a round the world tour to complete a joint bucket list.

Despite his wife Vivian’s objections, Carter and Edward hip in Edward’s private jet and start their trek around the world. They go skydiving, race vintage cards around California speedway, eat dinner at a famous French restaurant, visit the Taj Mahal and trek to Mount Everest, although the weather is too bad to see the peaks. Along the way, we get to know these two diverse characters and their hopes, joys, and regrets. We learn that Edward is grieving his relationship with his estranged daughter and that Carter feels he is falling out of love with his wife.

After Edward hires a prostitute to seduce Carter, Carter realizes he really does love his wife and asks to go home. On the way home, Carter attempts to reunite Edward with his estranged daughter, but Edward considers that a betrayal. Carter is reunited with his loving family, and Edward goes home to cry alone over the mess he has made of his life. It is only after Carter collapses and later dies in surgery that Edward realizes that Carter was probably his best friend in the world and he eulogizes him by saying the last three months of Carter’s life were the best of his. The movie ends years later when Edward’s assistant treks to the top of a mountain to leave Edward’s ashes besides Carter’s.

The specter of death hangs over all of us and we should all make the most of the time we have on this earth. However, The Bucket List brings the fragility of life into sharp focus as two men facing their own mortality realize they still have things left to accomplish. Although some may find it strange that Carter chose to spend his last few months with a virtual stranger instead of his own family, I found it completely understandable for several reasons. The first is that he and Edward had a shared fate, as both of them had a fatal diagnosis. This meant that neither was going to baby the other, instead they were just two guys out to see the world and allowed them to both focus on living instead of dying. If Carter had stayed home, his family’s instinct would have been to baby him and take care of him instead of focusing on life.

The second is that Carter needed distance from his wife and family to truly come to appreciate them. If he had chosen to stay home, he may have become resentful because his wife was–once again–keeping him from living life on his terms. By having his grand adventure, he came to appreciate the love and comfort his wife brought him. This allowed his last few days at home to be filled with joy instead of resentment.

From a thanatological perspective, anticipatory grief was an overriding theme in this movie. Carter and Edward were both anticipating their own deaths and, for Carter, the grief his family would feel without him. Carter’s family was also facing life without their patriarch and anticipating the changes that his death would bring.

When a member of the US military dies in battle, their remains are transferred home for burial through a process called a dignified transfer. The body is placed in a metal casket surrounded by ice packs in the theater of battle and the military member’s peers cover the casket with a US flag, salute the casket, and place it on a military transport plane. The body is flown to Dover Air Force Base Mortuary, where it is cleaned and dressed in a dress uniform or civilian clothes, if preferred by the family. Exquisite care is taken each step of the way as the body is treated with the upmost respect and honor.

A member of the military is assigned to act as an escort for the body and accompanies the body from Dover to the service member’s home. At each step of the way, as the body is transferred, the escort salutes the body. The escort is also responsible for carrying the personal effects of the deceased service member.

Taking Chance tells the story of Lt. Col Mike Strobl who escorts PFC Chance Phelps home to Wyoming. Strobl is a military pencil pusher who served in Desert Storm, but returned stateside to become an analyst who makes manpower recommendations. Although he chose to work stateside so he could see his family every night, he is dissatisfied and feels as if he is letting other people fight the war on terror that erupted after 9/11. Although it is unusual for a senior officer to serve as a final escort for a junior officer, his boss grants his request to accompany PFC Chance Phelps home.

The movie shows the meticulous care that is taken with service members’ bodies as they are prepared for burial or cremation. Even if there will be a closed casket, the body is meticulously dressed and their ribbons are arranged with care. This movie is one of the few that makes me cry each time service members and ordinary citizens paid their respects. Baggage handlers who moved the body off and on the planes stood at attention as Strobl saluted the coffin. The captain who flew Chance on the final leg of his journey announced to his passengers that a service member was on his final journey and made sure to note Chance’s name. And as the hearse carrying Chance’s body traveled the final 90 miles from Billings, MT to his hometown, vehicles turned on their lights and created an honor guard to escort him home. Although Strobl had not known Chance in life, his platoon mates and friends from his hometown made sure that Strobl knew how special Chance was.

This movie shows the grief of a country honoring the military dead, of Chance’s friends, and final of his family who is mourning a son and brother.

Anna Fitzgerald’s parents had her in order to save her older sister, Kate, who was dying of cancer. Kate’s cancer impacted the entire family as their world revolved around keeping her alive. Howev er, when Anna was 11 and Kate 14 or 15, Kate relapsed and needed a kidney transplant. Their mother assumed that Anna would willingly give her kidney, but Anna took her parents to court and asked for medical emancipation. As the story unfolded, we learned that Kate had asked Anna to fight to not give her kidney as she was ready to die. Ultimately, Kate died before the court decided the case, although we learned in the final scenes that Anna had won her medical emancipation.

This is a story of grief, sadness, loss and longing, but ultimately it is a story of live. It is the love Anna has for her sister in helping save her and in going against her parents wishes to help Anna die. It is the love that their mother has for both of them. And at the end of the day, it is the love that carries them. The love that they all have for each other helps them let go of Kate.PostBlock

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How to Die in Oregon opens in Roger Sagner’s living room. He is surrounded by family and friends as he prepares to down the lethal drink that will end his life. Thanks to Oregon’s death with dignity law, Roger and other terminally ill patients can choose when to die. Ironically, enough being able to choose when to die, allows terminally ill patients to truly live in their last few months. Multiple people speak to how knowing they will have the choice to end their lives on their terms has given them piece of mind.

One of these patients is Cody Curtis who has been diagnosed with recurrence of liver cancer. She has been given six months to live and has chosen a proposed death date. However, when that date comes, she is feeling good so she chooses to wait. With palliative care and pain management, she ends up living almost seven months more. These months are filled with joyous and love filled moments with her family and friends. When she finally makes the decision to end her life, she is surrounded by her family.

I was surprised by how joyous this movie about death with dignity was. Even though the stories of terminally ill patients were sad, the undercurrent was of choice and people who were calmed by the knowledge that they had the right to choose when to die.

WIT is a movie that tells the story of Vivian, a brilliant professor who is diagnosed with cancer. Throughout the movie we see how her life has been lonely as her constant companion is only literature. Her only visitor is her old mentor, who finds out by accident she is in the hospital and sits and reads her a children’s story. In her final moments, despite her DNR, her doctor undertakes aggressive resuscitation efforts and we see the sadness of her almost lifeless body undergoing poking and prodding.

This is a movie that affected me profoundly. I was assigned to watch it in one of my thanantology classes and was immediately captivated by Vivian’s stoic portrayal of a cancer patient, but also how her cancer caused her to be introspective and think about the times she was less than kind to her students. It is also, perhaps unintentionally, a cautionary tail about pursuing career above all else and having no time in one’s life for friends or hobbies. It is also a tail about the dangers of modern medicine and how in a pursuit of a cure we sometimes forget what true healing is.

Terms of Endearment begins with a mother’s fear that her daughter has died and ends with the reality of her daughter’s death. Love and grief are intertwined in this story that tells the story of the complicated relationship between Emma and her mother Aurora. Wikipedia does a good job explaining the story, but doesn’t recap the elements of grief and death from a thanatological perspective.

The movie starts with Aurora coming out from an evening out and going in to see her infant daughter still in the crib. She shakes her and when Emma starts crying she realizes she is still alive so she turns the lights out and leaves.

A few scenes later, we learn that Aurora’s husband, and Emma’s father, has died. Although we had not gotten to know him, in a way his death hangs over the entire film as Aurora is terrified of connecting with another man and even when her daughter dies decades later, she is still wearing her wedding ring. She continues to push men away until she finally takes a chance and lets the playboy astronaut Garrett into her bed and her heart. And although he is unable to tell her he loves her, he shows her by showing up when Emma is in the hospital dying of cancer. And he shows up for Emma’s children at her memorial service.

The love and grief of marriage and betrayal is also showcased in the film as Flap, Emma’s husband, has a relationship with a grad student that has him following her to Nebraska. Emma also seeks out love and tenderness elsewhere when she begins an affair with a banker who is kind to her and is in his own tormented marriage. She has to leave her lover behind when Flap decides the family is moving to Nebraska.

Despite the mutual affairs, there is still a deep love between Flap and Emma that is evidenced by the tender scenes in the hospital when Emma is dying. They are both still wearing their wedding rings when they embrace and share how much they still love each other, despite the pain they’ve caused each other.

The anticipatory grief is payable in the last part of the movie, when it becomes evident that Emma will die of her cancer. The saddest scene is when she tells her sons how much she loves them and tells her oldest not to beat himself up for not being able to tell her that he loves her. Her son is the only one who truly expresses anger over her death, as he lashes out and pushes her away.

Mom’s trying to manage the caterers, the florists, and all the other hustle and bustle that comes with a wedding reception. Dad’s shooting blanks at the birds to make them vacate the premises. Jackson, the groom, is sneaking into Shelby’s room to tell her how much he loves her. However, amidst the laughter, beauty, and romance, there are clues that Shelby might not get the happy ending she’s hoping for. Shelby and her mom head to Truvy’s beauty shop to get her hair done before here wedding. As Shelby is happily talking about skinny-dipping with her soon-to-be husband and rhapsodizing about her very pink wedding, she suffers a hypoglycemic attack and her mother forces her to drink orange juice to raise her blood sugar. She recovers quickly, but her mom tells their friends that the doctor told Shelby she shouldn’t have children. We also learn that Shelby considered ending her engagement to Jackson so that he could have children with someone else. He wouldn’t even consider it and said they could adopt kids.

We see Shelby walking down the aisle with her father, the happy reception, and then life goes on for Shelby and Jackson. We see her visiting her mamma, M’Lynn, periodically and then coming home for the Christmas festival. It’s Christmastime when Shelby tells her mother that she’s pregnant and all she wants is for her mother to be happy for her. However, M’Lynn can’t be happy because she knows the doctor told Shelby it would be dangerous to get pregnant. Shelby begs for her support and tells her mom that she wasn’t able to adopt because of her Type 1 Diabetes. She adds that “I’d rather have 30 minutes of wonderful, than a lifetime of nothing special.”

The next time we see Shelby it’s Jackson’s first birthday and family and friends are singing about him being “Born on the 3rd of July.” Shelby’s decided to get her hair cut to make it easier to manage and she heads off to Truvy’s to get her haircut. Her friends are there and amid the laughter, we see the bruises on Shelby’s arms, and she says offhandly those are from dialysis. Her friends are stunned that she is in such bad health that she needs a transplant, and sad that it could take a long time to get one. However, Shelby reveals that her mother is going to give her a kidney.

Shelby gets her kidney and she’s healthy for a while, but her world comes crashing down at Halloween. She almost collapses in the NICU where she works and she does collapse when she gets home. Jackson finds their son Jack wandering around the house alone and the food burning on the stove. He finds Shelby, and she is rushed to the hospital in a coma. Despite the best efforts of her family, especially her mom who never leaves her side, and the doctors, Shelby’s condition is irreversible and they remove live support.

At Shelby’s funeral, her mother holds it together until almost everyone is gone, and then she lets her rage, her sadness, and her anger flow freely. Her friends support her by making her laugh and by Annelle, who worked with Truvy, telling M’Lynn that, boy or girl, she’s going to name her child after Shelby. The movie ends with Annelle being rushed to the hospital to give birth surrounded by her friends.

Although on the surface, much of this movie is a lighthearted romp about love and female friendship, grief is woven through it from the opening scene. We first encounter grief over the loss of a dream when we find out that Shelby shouldn’t have children and we realize she and Jackson are losing their dream of having their own child. Then we encounter M’Lynn’s grief over her daughter’s decision to risk her life to have a child. It is clear from the movie that M’Lynn was the one that managed Shelby’s medical life and that she understands, perhaps better than Shelby herself, how risky it is for Shelby to have a child.

M’Lynn’s hope and grief are palpable when she is in the hospital with Shelby almost willing her to open her eyes and when Shelby dies, M’Lynn remains strong for her family, until she is left standing alone at her daughter’s graveside looking at the spray of flowers on her casket. Then her raw emotion comes out, the anger, the grief, the sadness, and the hopelessness. I found her emotional outburst so realistic. And I am so glad that they did not have M’Lynn singing to the ground in tears. Instead she raged and she cried. And she rightfully got mad when Annelle told her that Shelby was in a better place.

If you haven’t seen this 35-year-old movie, take some time to watch it. Despite a few things that are out of date like smoking indoors and asking a woman if she was going to quit her job because she was getting married, it has aged very well.

Walter Carter Funeral Home is a 130-year-old business in Sydney Australia that is facing the economic reality of consolidation in the funeral home business. In order to stay alive, Walter Carter joins forces with another family owned funeral home, which means that the company will survive, but it also means the close-knit team is torn apart. The Secret Life of Death tells the story a year of turmoil, change, and death.

The documentary starts out by introducing Jasmine, the funeral director who takes care of the bodies, and Amber who takes care of the bodies. The women are close, but both believes they have the best job as Jasmine has no desire to take care of the bodies and Amber flat out says that “Dead bodies are her favorite people.” When the merger is announced, the front of the house staff, including Amber and the owner Dale, stay together, but Amber is forced to move to another location an hour away, which breaks up the team and causes angst.

As this is a show about the funeral industry, it is not surprising that funerals figure prominently in the show. A celebration of life for an American musician, a more solemn ceremony for a Chinese man, and images from a Nigerian celebratory funeral are featured throughout the documentary. However, the most heartbreaking funeral of the show is that for Odette. Odette is a 46 year old woman with breast cancer who works with Richard, one of the funeral directors from Walter Carter, to plan her funerals. She wants a horse drawn hearse, doves released, and her drag queen friends to show up as themselves. And she doesn’t want the “fucking ugly” ties that Walter Carter’s personnel wear. Richard grows closer to her as he plans her funeral and at the end of the documentary we find out she has died.

Richard, along with Jasmine, pick up her body and take it to Amber to take care of. From there, it is off to the venue she personally chose for her funeral and we see her funeral play out exactly as she envisioned it, right down to her gold Christian Louboutin placed on her white coffin.

Overall this documentary perfectly captured the compassion and diligence of a modern day funeral home without being too maudlin.

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